November 20, 2008

ketika semuanya terasa begitu salah

Pernah saya baca di sebuah buku yang entah apa judulnya, bahwa kadang dalam satu fase di kehidupan yang kita jalani, kita akan menjumpai diri kita berada pada posisi yang tidak jelas kemana arahnya. Kemudian, kekosongan akan dengan segera kita rasakan, seperti ada yang terlewat begitu saja, hilang atau bahkan kita tidak pernah tahu apa yang sebenarnya menimpa kita.


Mencari, adalah satu hal yang paling lazim dan spontan dalam menghadapi fase ini. Mungkin proses yang satu ini bisa berjalan begitu lambat, cepat atau tergesa-gesa, akan tetapi, segera kita akan menyadari bahwa kita perlu menemukan pertanyaan itu atau dasar atas pencarian kita, “apa yang saya cari sebenarnya?”. Kalimat pendek itu memang terkesan sederhana, tetapi menurut saya pribadi, pertanyaan itu sedikit rumit.


Di umur saya yang twenty something ini, seharusnya pertanyaan tersebut sudah terjawab. Kenyataanya, memang tidak semudah yang saya kira. Sempat saya berpikir bahwa apa yang cari dan inginkan itu sudah saya temukan, tetapi ketika prose situ berjalan, saya kembali pada pertanyaan dasar itu. Kembali me-redefini diri saya dan mencari jawaban, mungkin untuk proses ini saya bisa belajar dari pengalaman seorang Christopher McCandless. Dia adalah seorang pemuda yang memilih untuk meninggalkan kehidupan yang nyaman untuk mengejar apa yang dianggapnya sebagai sebuah kebebasan, berjalan dalam sebuah pencarian, menyusuri Amerika dan Mexico hingga dia memutuskan untuk menjelajahi Alaska. Meskipun, akhirnya perjalanannya harus berakhir pada kematian.


Pelajaran paling mendasar yang saya dapat dari cerita yang sudah terekam dalam bentuk film ini (Judul filmya “Into The Wild”, disutradari oleh Sean Penn), adalah niat dan keberanian kita dalam memilih dan menentukan arah hidup kita. Seperti Chris yang memiliki mimpi untuk hidup dalam kebebasan, saya sendiri adalah seseorang yang memiliki mimpi, hanya saja hingga saat ini, saya merasa belum melakukan apa-apa untuk mewujudkan mimpi itu. Dan karena alasan inilah, saya tiba pada satu fase dimana saya kembali pada sebuah pertanyaan dasar tersebut. Karena, menurut saya, ketika nanti saya sudah dihadapkan pada awal perjalanan yang hendak saya tempuh, saya harus sudah memiliki pondasi awal yang kokoh.


Sederhannya, tahu apa yang saya inginkan dan siapa diri saya sebenarnya, adalah pondasi yang baik. Setidaknya, saya berharap, dengan pondasi tersebut saya akan mampu bertahan dalam setiap keadaan, baik yang menyenangkan, melenakan atau menghancurkan.

October 21, 2008

the second rain

i was smiling and walk away
from a dusty hot rail road,
while the wind symphony end up
in a hand of a blind and deaf conductor.

and a handful girl comes silently
with a bucket of pouring water
flies above the wreck roofs.

October 11, 2008

INSOMNIA DAN SECANGKIR TEH

Jangan lupa, kau pernah menuliskan sepetak lubang yang digenangi bah di jalan depan, tepat di saat aku ingin berhenti menghitung partikel-partikel udara. Kemudian, kau juga langsung menimpali dengan menenggelamkan burung hantu pada kelangkang laut yang ada di bawah gubuk reot di bawah pohon yang tak lagi didauni matahari dan napas.


Tapi, bahwa aku sudah tidak lagi memiliki peri-peri yang senantiasa bersemayam dalam bantal dan guling di atas bongkahan kapuk itu, adalah kejujuran seorang penyebar berita atau penceramah. “Aku tidak percaya!”, begitu katamu. “Aku mencium bau bangkai di atas altar persembahan dan tempat mereka menyampaikan berita”.


Aku mengerti bahwa yang kau maksud adalah kambing-kambing penggembala yang dibiarkan menjadi liar di padang yang penuh dengan ranjau-ranjau serupa apel yang nyala merah. Lalu, aku juga paham tentang kuda yang berlarian meneriakan rasa bebas tak lagi bahwa bahwa pancang rantai itu selalu ada di kaki-kakinya, “dia tidak pernah berkenalan dengan merdeka atau yang dibilang pengembala, penyelamat, penununtun atau apalah itu namanya…”


Hujan tiga hari lalu juga tak akam mampu menumbuhkan sekam yang kutaman di atas kepala boneka bersayap, begitu katamu. Aku segera pergi sembari menari dan meninggalkan aku dengan teh dalam cangkir berwarna legam, “Aku tidak akan pernah tidur hingga aku bertemu denganmu kembali…”



Gresik, 10 October 2008, 9:53:23 PM

October 9, 2008

"Para Pewaris Cinta" a book cover



cover buku kumpulan puisi yang saya buat untuk kampus. Kumpulan puisi ini diterbitkan secara terbatas dan berisi karya-karya dari teman-teman yang mengambil mata kuliah penulisan kreatif. Ini ada project akhir dari mata kuliah tersebut.

sekedar menulis saja

Saya tidak tahu apakah ini memang sudah saatnya bagi saya untuk menekuni kembali hobi menulis yang sempat terlupakan. Entah ada hubungannya atau tidak, hujan semalam (untuk pertama kalinya setelah sekian lama tidak ada hujan di Surabaya) membuat saya merasa senang dan ter-stimulus untuk menulis lagi.

Mungkin alasan yang paling mendasar kenapa saya berhenti menulis adalah satu fakta bahwa saya masih belum bisa untuk memecah konsentrasi, banyak hal yang terjadi akhir-akhir ini dalam hidup saya, entah itu yang baik ataupun yang buruk. Bukannya saya mencari-cari alasan, hanya saja, sepertinya saya perlu waktu untuk berpikir, mengedapkan dan kemudian menuliskannya pada saat yang tepat. Seperti janin yang juga perlu waktu untuk kemudian lahir menjadi bayi dan tumbuh berkembang menjadi pribadi-pribadi yang original dan otentik, itulah yang saya inginkan dalam setiap tulisan saya. Meskipun, kadang saya merasa malas melepaskannya karena banyak di dalam tulisannya saya, masih sangat mencerminkan pribadi saya dan orang di sekitar saya.

Dan tulisan pendek ini adalah langkah awal saya untuk kembali menekuni hobi menulis ini karena suatau saat nanti, saya ingin mewujudkan mimpi untuk menerbitka tulisan-tulisan saya.

September 4, 2008

sadly, i laugh at a cold silent morning
and a pocket of stillness drags me
to the edge of my conscious.
am i awake?
or it just a simple self portrait
that stuck in the wall....

August 28, 2008

await

it was pretty fun to take pictures candidly, here some of pics that i took a while ago.

Mall's Ordinary Day



they're my friends and they works as a sales promotion boy at Nautica and Swatch store at Tujungan Plaza Surabaya.

at the art gallery -3



her name is intan, she also love photography...well, she seems thinks about her new project thou'

at the art gallery 2



Aziz between girls, it's lil bit hard to ask him doing this...he usually runaway when somebody tries to take his picture but somehow, at that time he let me to take his picture...

at the art gallery



August 26, 2008

the world of superficial


his name is Azis, one of my friend in campus.














and this one is swatch catalog.





her name is nona, i haven't meet her for a long time. and right now, she live in Bali. these are some pics of her.

old benches





i took these picture in an old theater arena, every weekend a traditional theater group performs on the stage.

strangely balck and white



well, these are old works...somehow i love these pics.

July 26, 2008

short note for this day

i woke up this morning with pretty awkward feeling, i toke two glasses of water as usual and drink it. somehow, i felt like, these few days, I've been living in a hectic time or period. maybe, i can say that it's one of my lowest point of my life.

Then, I turned on my TV, DVD and start to watch "In to The Wild", it was my second time thou'. I was fascinating with this film when watch it for the first time. and for this time, i felt really engage with the story, it's true awakening for me to realize about my journey in this boring life.

I knew that sometime we to do what we need to do instead do what we want to do, it's been such a simple thing but to start this quest we need to know our self first.

I googled to find his bio's and i got this in wikipediea http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_McCandless , open and read it 'cause it's worth to read, mate!. well, i will post my review about this film soon.

July 24, 2008

Across The universe

is there anybody going to listen to my story
all about the girl who came to stay?
she's the kind of girl you want so much
it makes you sorry
still you don't regret a single day
oh girl! girl! girl!

A young man in a black coat is sitting at the seashore, he face the horizon for a while, and after that he look back and start to sing that piece of song above. It is Jude

The story starts in the early 1960s with (Jim Sturgess), a young Liverpool shipbuilder and artist, who traveled by ship and track down his biological father in the United Stated of America. Then, he met a rebellion with wealthy family background, Max (Joe Anderson) and his Sister, Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood). After a hectic thanksgiving dinner, Max made a decision to drop out from college and ask Jude to go with him to New York. Later on, they share an apartment with Sadie (Dana Fuchs), their landlady and aspiring singer, Jojo (Martin Luther McCoy), a fiery guitarist –shortly he become Sadie’s band lead guitar and boyfriend -, and Prudence (T.V. Carpio), a self-involved lesbian who literally comes in through the bathroom window.

After her boyfriend is killed in the Vietnam War, the grieving Lucy, come to New York and live with Jude, Max and the other. As Expected, the romance developed by Jude and Lucy. Meanwhile, Max has to face the truth that he drafted to the war. Sadie’s sign a contract with a label and start a solo career, and it’s lead Sadie and Jojo into break up, apparently, Jojo doesn’t feel happy because Sadie change one bit. Moreover, Prudence who secretly falls in love to Sadie, and it makes her depressed. These back up story completed the whole structure and go deeper each second of the movie.

When Max is drafted and sent to Vietnam War, Lucy gets involved in a radical anti-war movement. He is unhappy with the amount of time she spends with the political group, and suspecting that its leader, Paco (Logan Marshall-Green), is a Don Juan. Jude's art and his relationship with Lucy both start to falter. The differences between Jude and Lucy rise up. Jude comes into the offices of the political group where Lucy works and gets kicked out after punching Paco. This leads to a fight between them, resulting in Lucy leaving Jude.

When Jude comes home, he fined that Lucy is gone. Furthermore, Jude finds Lucy at an anti-war demonstration, which many protesters, including her, are arrested. In attempting to help her, Jude is also arrested. Jude is deported back to England, because he came to U.S without Visa. Then, Max is wounded in Vietnam and is sent back, while Lucy still involved in her anti-war movement that is becoming more and more violent and finally leaves the group when she discovers Paco and some of his followers making bombs. Jude reads about the explosion in a Liverpool newspaper and is concerned that Lucy has died. Subsequently, he arranges to return to the States legally. Max picks him up and drives him to Sadie's Beatles-style rooftop concert. Lucy is supposed to be there but no one can find her. Meanwhile, he group is forced to leave when the police arrive, but Jude manages to stay on the roof and begins to sing, "All you need is Love", shortly Jude see Lucy standing on the roof across the street. They smile at one another with tears in their eyes, and the screen fades out to white clouds and blue sky.

I love the way of the story is created, it is simple and the songs is well arranged, the beautifully captured scene, which some of it is surreal, and skillfully acting from the cast. These is drove me into its depth. I consider this movie as one of the best musical film, which triggers me to be more and more creative, especially, the scene when Jude had a fight with Lucy and start to make his work back grounded by “Strawberry Fields Forever”. Moreover, This film lead me into a lesson about how you have to find your self and manage its process, just like in this story which start with alcohol, drugs, dopes, irresponsible act and free sex into a better way of life. In the end, I just want to add that to ignore your problems instead of faced and fix it, only leads you into disaster.

* Additional information: Don’t you know that on February 4, 2008, NASA aired The Beatles’s Across the Universe to the space. This is to celebrate the 40th year of the song was recorded. (From www.acrosstheuniverseday.com)

Batman The Dark Night

Yesterday is an “accidental” holyday for us who live in East Java, it’s because we have to vote for the election of the new governor. But, I didn’t do it, because I’m so skeptical about their programs and commitments. Then, I decided to go to the cinema to watch Batman The Dark Night.

Heat Ledger’s acting in this movie took my attention, as a psycho Joker, he’s voice and body language came so natural and he immersed in the character. And it makes Jack Nicholson’s joker just like an ordinary funny clown and accidentally became a villain. Ledger’s joker more sadistic, a cold-blooded, knife happy psycho, only too ready to give his victims a 'smile'. To me, he’s character became the main structure of the whole story. At the end it’ll make everything so clear that, the movie shouts about or create a place where the good and evil which expected to do battle. Joker create a plot to turn the Gotham’s “real” Hero, Harvey Dent, in to a two-faces psycho. Dent villain act drove by his grief and revenge, because the death of Rachel. He completely drawn in to Joker’s game. Which is his main purpose by doing so many crimes.

Above of all I love this movie, it took a superhero movie into a new step. Even though, it’s dark and full of creepy things, this movie lies between art and industry. It entertains me in a different way than the other super hero film.

p.s : this in my favorite dialogue, "I don't want to kill you," Joker tells Batman. "You complete me".

July 22, 2008

a simple story about m


"Nothing but Me"


"Cold"


"attempts"


"the dirty laundries"


"left and cigarette"


"TV+MIRROR = LIFE"

between the memory and cigarette

the represses emotion # 2








the represses emotion # 1








1st Fashion Photo shoot






These works are my 1st experience to make "fashion photo". And to be honest, i'm not really happy with the result, and these some of it which i like, and also i think it's ok to post it here.

Thanks for Sofie and Inung for giving me this opportunity. Adianda for the wardrobe concept, and Intan my partner for this project. Also, Aries and Widya for letting me took their picture.

July 13, 2008

kedua foto ini adalah hasil editan yang saya kerjakan malam kemarin, setelah sebelumnya (di hari sabtu dan minggu), saya mencoba satu hal baru yaitu memotret model. sebenarnya yang jadi model pun bukan model beneran, kebetulan mereka meminta bantuan saya untuk sebuah projek pribadi. mungkin lain waktu saya akan posting foto-foto yang lain.



don't forget to leave your comments about this work. thanks!

July 8, 2008

sore yang penuh tanda tanya

dan sore akan segera
melahirkan malam
yang tunduk oleh waktu,
sudah berangkan genap
dan mengganjil dalam
jengkal setiap pejalan.
apakah itu yang menjadi keinginanmu?

Rabu, 2008 Mei 21 at 01:39